If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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