Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
