she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
