Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
