he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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