apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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