i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
