yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
