My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
