Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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