Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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