I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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