Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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