he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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