I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
