She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
