Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
