I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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