my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
