I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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