I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
