why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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