i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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