There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
