my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Two words: nipple clamps
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