1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never underestimate the power of titties
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
