My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
