I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize