I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
