Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
