and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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