I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
