I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
