So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Of course I have a pirate flag
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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