He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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