Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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