I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
