After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
