Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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