I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
