You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
