I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
