Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
