we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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