I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
