it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
