Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
