My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
