she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
