spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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