i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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