Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
