life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
