Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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