i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
