You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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