I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
